OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
