in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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