I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they're like a gay fantastic four
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
