I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
