Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
