At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
