Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
