You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just pynch a tree in the face
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
