barbara walters just said penis...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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