I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
