Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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