I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
