we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You are a genius and a whore.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
