I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
