well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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