My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
