So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
