I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
