If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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