How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
