perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
