I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
