I feel like I'm in dance class right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
