I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
