i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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