Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
