There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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