we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
