Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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