Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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