the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
look no pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
