listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
