im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
