I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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