I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
