Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
