what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
