Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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