Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Please don't give away my fajitas
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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