Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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