Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
