my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
