Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
