if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
