It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
