my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
