That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
