this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
