____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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