Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
