how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
