i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
