Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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