That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
