The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Im part way to drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
