the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
