what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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