grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
