Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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