I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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